Sorry guys. I have terrible writer’s block so this should make up for it...or not..don’t be too mad. Be warned, this is inspired by India Arie ‘Good Man’ If you’ve never heard the song go listen before you read. FAIR WARNING!
Nicki grinned as she watched her eldest daughter Nahla waltz around the living room, with her teddy bear. The sound of Beyonce’s ‘Daddy’ serenading the two. Nahla kept her eyes on her feet, carefully watching her movements. Nicki shifted Imani on her hip and hit her hand against her wrist as the song came to an end, scarring and embarrassing Nahla. “Mommy.” Nahla whined and went over to the iHome and turned her mother’s ipod off. She tossed the bear onto the couch and sighed at Nicki’s laughter.
“You’re so cute.” Nicki cooed as Nahla buried her face into one of the pillows on the couch. The 8 year old peaked her head up at Nicki and her baby sister as they sat on the couch. Nahla put her hand out and let Imani’s little fingers wrap around her finger, then she looked up at Nicki. “Can I see the whole dance?”
“No.”
“No?” Nicki cocked her head to the side as Nahla shook her head and then directed her attention to Imani, keeping her eyes off of her mother.
“It’s just for Daddy.” Nicki nodded her head in understanding. She found it so cute and innocent that Nahla was so worried about impressing Drake at the father, daughter dance at the school tomorrow. She’d sneak off in different areas of the house and practice the 4 little steps that their teacher had taught them. Nicki worried about Nahla at school and how she would be when other kids talked about their fathers. She definitely knew the feeling of feeling excluded from one of the greatest feelings in the world; a father and daughter relationship. “What time is he coming?” Nahla whined, looking at the clock on the wall.
“In the morning.” Nicki glanced at the clock also seeing that it was a little after nine. “So by the time you wake up in the morning, he’ll be here.” Nicki bounced Imani on her leg as she began to fuss. “Bed time.”
“10 more minutes.” Nahla clasped her hands together and Nick quickly dismissed her.
“Nope. You’re going to bed now. Let’s go.” Nahla frowned, her dimples sinking into her cheeks, she pushed herself from off the couch and followed her mother out of the living room, dragging the teddy bear behind her. The three of them made their way upstairs where she put the two girls to sleep in their bedrooms.
Nicki walked back down into the living room after she made sure her daughters were comfortable and turned the lights on. She smiled at the blown up picture of the family on the bricks behind the fire. She went over to iHome and turned and scrolled through her playlist until she got to India Arie ‘Good Man’. She sung the first lyrics and then went and sat on the couch, one leg tucked under her and she leaned her body into the pillows, watching the photo.
I remember the first day I met you we were so young you were a blessing and there was no guessing you were the one Love is so crazy We had a baby and said our vows
“It’s a little too late to be trying to pick out ‘our song’” Nicki laid in Drake’s arms on the livingroom floor of their new house. Drake had set up the radio and told her he’d found the perfect song to say everything he never did.
“Listen, baby.” Drake wrapped his arms tighter around Nicki’s waist and as the song progressed Nicki’s smile dropped from her face and her playful mood had quickly deteriorated.
if the sun comes up and I'm not home be strong If I'm not beside you
Do your best to carry on Tell the kids about me when they're old enough to understand tell them that their daddy was a good man
Drake could feel her body tense up and he placed a kiss on the back of her head. “Turn it off.” Nicki demanded, when he didn’t move she tried to but he held her in her place.
“Nicki-”
“No, I don’t want to hear it anymore.”
“Onik-”
“I don’t want you to leave. You don’t have to leave.” She turned slightly so that she could look at him. He would never get used to the tears that would brew in her eyes whenever they discussed him leaving.
“I do. I have to do this, so that my favorite girls will be safe.”
“Let somebody else’s husband go out there and get bombs thrown at him. You have a daughter and a wife Aubrey. What would we do without you?”
“What if everybody had that same mentality, Nik? I love you. Believe me when I say I love you and Nahla and no matter what happens nothing is ever going to change that.” Nicki slumped in his hold and let her tears flow freely down her face.
“W-what about Christmas’ or Nahla’s birthday? What about when I get lonely? I’m going to be worried about you everyday. I don’t want to be selfish but, I don’t know.” Nicki turned her head and buried her face into Drake’s arm.
“Everything’s going to be alright. I promise.” If Nicki had it her way, her husband would be home and get to watch their daughter grow up everyday. But her husband was going to fight in the war and she had no other choice but to support him, no matter how much it hurt.
Nicki rose from the couch at the end of the song and cut off the music, turned off the light and went upstairs to their room. Drake was coming home in the morning and butterflies were fluttering in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t know whether to go to sleep or stay up. Nerves ran rampant through her body all day and she had the girls to distract her but now with the both of them sleeping, he was the only thing on her mind. She stood in the middle of her room, not doing anything. After standing in the same spot for three minutes she finally willed herself to climb into his side of the bed.
“Daddy! Can you hear me!” Nahla screamed looking into the screen at her father’s face. Nicki twisted the laptop so that she was also in view as the two laid in her bed.
“I can hear you, baby girl.” He smiled, taking both Nicki and Nahla in, this being the first time he spoke to them since he was deployed 3 months ago for the 4th time. He didn’t get to look at Nicki long before she got off the bed and went downstairs. She decided to give Nahla her time with Drake. She allowed her to stay up 2 hours past her bedtime so that she could see Drake, because of the time difference.
Nicki cleared the dishes from dinner and washed them, dried and put them away. She then cleaned the counter tops before she went back upstairs. She stood in the doorway and watched Nahla listen to Drake singing ‘Isn’t She Lovely’ while Nahla battled to stay awake. “Go to sleep, Babygirl. I’ll talk to you soon, ok? I love you.”
“I love you too, Daddy.” She leaned forward and kissed the screen before looking over at her mother and Nicki waved her over with her hand. She kissed the top of her forehead and told her goodnight before letting her leave the room. Nicki climbed on the bed and looked at Drake, the sun shining bright behind him and he was dressed in his uniform.
“Hey.” He spoke.
“Hey.” A smile broke out on her face and she leaned her head back on the pillows and they just watched each other. Neither one of them saying a word. She looked at his curls and his beard, his honey colored eyes and that one dimple that peaked at her. He watched her naturally pouting lips, her smooth skin, her long black tresses. There was something different about her, something extra. “How’s it going?”
He shrugged his shoulders, “It’s going.” he nodded his head in her direction. “What’s it like over there?”
“Not as eventful as over there.” Nicki yawned.
“What’d you do today?”
“Work and then I went to the doctor.”
“For what? You ok?”
“Yea, I’m fine.” She shrugged. She turned her head to the side and close her eyes as if she were going to sleep. “I’m only pregnant.” Drake’s mouth hung open and Nicki slowly opened her eyes, her pearly whites peaking from behind her lips.
“You’re serious?” Nicki laughed at his facial expression and nodded her head. He was speechless until someone walked passed him and he grabbed onto the guy’s jacket. “Yo! My wife is pregnant!” Nicki laughed some more as Drake included this random guy in their happy moment.
“Congratulations Graham!” He patted Drake’s back and the Drake let out a breath before looking back at Nicki.
“Well aren’t you happy we ran out of condoms?” Nicki teased.
“Baby, I swear, as soon as I can get home, I’ll be there. I love you, I love you, I love you so much.”
“I love you too. You keep on fighting, we’re fine over here.” She rubbed her invisible baby bump. “I’m proud of you.” She never forgot to remind Drake that even though she gave him a hard time about going she was still proud.
“I know, I kno- Aye! My wife’s pregnant!” He called to someone in the distance causing Nicki to fall out into a fit of giggles. “My second!” Tears began to build up in Nicki’s eyes as she watched the excitement in Drake’s.
“I hope it don’t have your ears, Graham!” Nicki heard and she couldn’t help but to laugh. She sniffed and wiped the tears from her face, not wanting Drake to see.
“Ah man, whatever.” Drake turned back to Nicki. “I love you”
“I love you too.”
“Mommy,” Nicki’s eyes opened to Nahla standing over her, her pink dress for the dance already on and her wild hair a mess. “It’s almost six o’clock.” She informed her mother that it was almost time for Drake’s plane to be arriving. Nicki peaked at the digital clock behind Nahla and saw it was 10 minutes until six. Nicki sat up slowly and pushed the covers off of her.
“Ok, let me get ready and then I’ll do your hair, ok? Go heat up a bottle for ‘Mani please?” Nahla obeyed and left the room while Nicki’s nerves from last night fluttered into her stomach again. She walked to the bathroom and completed her daily routine before walking out of her bedroom and finding Imani sitting up in her crib. She leaned down and grabbed her before taking her down stairs and sitting her in her highchair.
“Here, Mommy.” Nicki accepted the bottle from Nahla, thanking her and testing it on her wrist before letting Imani take it and feed herself. Drake will be happy to see she learned to hold her bottle herself. Nicki smiled at the thought before going over to the fridge.
“Capt’n crunch or Cheerios?”
“Crunch.” Nahla said. Nicki noticed that she kept her eyes on the front door and she chuckled. Nahla may be more nervous than she is. She pulled the box of cereal from the top of the fridge and placed it on the counter so that Nahla could reach. As the morning progressed both of the ladies began to get more and more anxious. It was almost time for Nahla to go to school and she slowly packed her bookbag, stalling for time. Nicki was busy buttoning a onesie onto Imani when the bell rang and Nahla tossed her bookbag down, all of its contents spilling out and Nicki allowed her to go to the door, this time. The tips of her fingers began to tingle as she picked up her baby girl and placed her on her hip.
“Mommy!” A disappointed Nahla came back into the living room and Nicki furrowed her brows. “It’s not Daddy.” Nahla’s voice shook and Nicki leaned down placing Imani into her walker before going to the front door. Nicki opened the door and the sight of the army officer, the chaplain and a medic at her doorstep made her feel light headed.
“Mrs. Graham?”
“Yes.” She answered, looking at the officer who held the american flag in his hands. “No, no, no, no,no.” She repeated over and over again as everything started to add up in her head.
“The Secretary of the army has asked me to-”
“NO!”
“express his deep regret that your husband Aubrey Graham-”
“NO!” A spine curling scream left Nicki’s lips and when they noticed she was swaying both the officer and the medic rushed to her before she could collapse. Tears poured from her eyes and little breath was getting out of her as she kneeled on the ground in shock. Her mouth hanging open and tears staining her whole face. She didn’t blink or look at anything, her eyes were empty. Flashes of his smiling face began to run through her mind and her chest felt like it was going to explode.“Aubrey.” She croaked. “Aubrey.” She began rocking back and forth trying to sooth herself.
“-died in Iraq on March 3, 2013 at 16:00.....” Nicki tuned his words out and she sat there on the ground, half alive herself, thinking about the love of her life, her soulmate.
“Wait, do you have-”
“Yes, I have everything I could possibly need.” Nicki gnawed on her bottom lip as she watched Drake zip up another suitcase and it was getting closer to the time for him to leave.
“But you never fixed the light in the basement like you said you would. Could you do it before you go?” Drake shook his head beginning to ignore his wife. He pulled the empty duffle bag in front of him and began to pack the folded clothes inside. “So you’re just going to ignore me? While we're on the list of things you didn’t do, what about hanging the pictures in Nahla’s room? Fixing the creak in the cabinet?” Nicki stood on the right side of the bed a hand on her hip and fire in his voice. “Drake! I’m talking to you.” He sighed and zipped his bag, pulling it off the bed and to the floor.
“I hear you, Nic. I’m going to miss you too.” Drake spoke and Nicki smacked her teeth, her attempt at picking an argument obviously not phasing Drake. “If the light in the basement is really that much of a problem, I’ll tell Niko to come over and fix it.” Drake watched as she threw herself onto the bed and scrunched the blankets in her hands, using the material to hide her face.
“I don’t care about no fucking lights, Drake.” She mumbled and Drake tried to hide the laughter in his voice.
“Baby, you’re losing it.” He joked and Nicki turned around in the blankets so that she could see Drake.
“No, I’m losing you.” She answered. Drake tilted his head at her, before climbing into the bed and laying all of his weight on top of her. His nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck and tickled her with his growing facial hair. Nicki giggled involuntarily. Nicki didn’t know how Nahla took it so well. A few kisses and tickles before she went into daycare and she was just peachy. She didn’t understand what her father would be doing and how long he’d be away. “Promise you’ll come back.”
“No. I’m not going to promise that I’ll come back. I’ll promise that everything is going to be ok. That I’m always going to be here. That nothing or no one can change the love I have for you. I promise you this because these are the promises that I know I can keep.” He placed small kisses on her neck and shoulder. “If the sun comes up-”
“Ugh, that damn song.” Nicki complained, trying to push Drake off of her.
“-and I’m not home be strong.” Drake laughed in between words as Nicki tried her best to get from under him, She hated the song. “If I’m not beside you, do your best to carry on. Tell the kids about me when they're old enough to understand. Tell them that their daddy was a good man.”
“Move, soldier. You have a flight to catch.”
Nicki sat in the living room, Nahla and Imani in her arms. She stopped sobbing but the tears wouldn’t stop falling from her eyes. She hadn’t spoke a word but was sure that her voice was hoarse. Nahla toyed with the pink trimming around her dress and then looked at the clock. “Daddy’s not coming, is he?” She questioned, her voice low. Nicki shut her eyes, avoiding the ugly sob that was trying to escape her mouth. How was she going to tell Nahla that her father was gone? How was she going to explain to Imani, when she’s older that an amazing man who she’ll never remember, was killed before she could take her first steps? Her grip on the girls got tighter as she fought with herself, trying to keep it together for their sake. Her eyes fell upon the american flag on the opposite side of the couch.
“Nahla-” She took a much needed breath and leaned her head back onto the back of the couch looking at the ceiling. “He’s not coming back.” The next question she knew would be a dreaded one.
“Why?”
“Your daddy was doing a v-very dangerous job to protect me, you, Imani and millions of other people in the world. He loves you and Imani so much that... your daddy was a real life superhero and-” She tried to pick out her next set of words carefully as Nahla’s curious eyes roamed her mother’s tear stained face. “some superheroes have to go so we can stay.”
“Go where?” Everything was setting in for Nahla and Nicki could see the heartbreak happening in her eyes. She was now asking questions to confirm her suspicions. “Go where, Mommy?” Her voice became more harsh and demanding for answers.
“Daddy...died today.” Nicki watched a slew of emotions pass her daughter's face at the same time. “Daddy lived for you and Daddy died for you and I promise to do the same.” It took longer than she expected but Nahla began to breakdown, causing Imani to scream at the top of her lungs. She kissed the top of her head and held her tight. “It’s going to be ok. He promised.”
Nicki sat in her dorm, staring up at the ceiling and aggravated that her mother’s new boyfriend prevented her from wanting to go home over Christmas break. While everyone else were packing up and headed home, Nicki decided to stay on campus, in the small room, alone. Of course she missed being home but with a mother who cared more about boyfriends than her own daughter, she rather avoid the drama. She missed her friends and the neighborhood. Nobody else attended the same college that she did and it got easy to feel lonely.
The door to the dorm opened and Nicki’s roommate Candi walked in. “I forgot my mom’s gift.” Nicki nodded and continued counting the markings on the ceiling. “Why don’t you call your boyfriend. Security is pretty lax around here during break time.”
“He’s with his family.”
“I’m sorry. Call me if you need anything and I’ll come running back.” Nicki nodded once again and then Candi left. Nicki turned over and decided to go to sleep. She woke to someone walking in the room.
“What are you doing here!” She questioned, watching Drake pull gloves off his hands.
“Wow, I thought you’d be way more excited to see me.” He joked. She got off the bed and went into his arms accepting the chilly hug. “Get dressed and take a ride with me.”
“Where?”
“Mind your business.” She smacked her teeth and pushed him away from her.
“I need to know what I’m getting dressed for.”
“Get dressed for this cold ass weather, that’s what.” Nicki disappeared into the bathroom and Drake began to pace the small space. He sat down on the bed but soon got back up and continued pacing. Nicki soon emerged from the bathroom and did a quick spin now dressed in baggy sweatpants and a long sleeve V- neck. “Perfect.”
“Mhm.” Nicki gave him the side eye before going to put on her coat and scarf. Drake held the door open for her and the two left.
------
“Sandi not mad you’re here?” The car was warm and conversation light as the couple rode through the Boston streets.
“No. I explained why I was here.”
“But yet, you haven’t explained to me.”
“You’ll find out soon.” Drake answered, putting on his turn signal. They were in a part of Boston that Nicki didn’t recognize and she decided to stop questioning it and enjoy the fact that he was here. They rode the rest of the way in a comfortable silence until they came to a park. “Get out.”
“It’s cold.” Nicki grumbled and then pushed the door open to get out of the car. Drake met her on her side and took her hand in his as the both of them walked. “Let me get this straight. You drive all the way to Boston to bring me to the park?”
“Yes. Problem?”
“Several.” She joked, leaning her head into his arm. Silence consumed them once again until Nicki spotted a random guy standing in the middle of the grass. “See, this is why you don’t come to the park on cold days or at night, because you see some creepy shit.” Drake kept quiet making Nicki look up at him. She noticed they were walking in the direction of the guy. “I forgot half of you is white. This is how y’all get killed in the scary movies.” She began to try and pull away but he kept her hand in his. “Baby?” The two stopped walking a few feet from the guy, who was still just standing there, not moving. Drake turned to her and she looked up at him.
“Onika Tanya Maraj, I’ve loved you since the eighth grade-”
“-Are you-”
“-and while you thought I was this awkward, jewish boy with stupid glasses, I’ve always found you to be the most breathtaking woman I’d ever seen. When you gave me a chance in the 10th grade, I promised that I would make you realize it was the best decision you ever made in your life. I think I’ve done good with keeping my promise but good isn’t enough. I need there to be no doubt in your mind. I may not be the toughest guy or the coolest guy but I’ve got a love for you that’s out of this world.” Nicki held onto his hands and looked him in the eyes as he poured his heart out to her. “I look forward to us living in the same house, raising a family and spending the rest of our lives together. I don’t know what my life would be like without you and I don’t ever want to find out so right here and right now, I’m hoping and praying that you’ll allow me to make you my wife and you or I won’t ever have to find out what life is like without each other.” Nicki shook under his gaze.
“You don’t want to marry me Aubrey. I have terrible morning breath-”
“We’ll keep listerine by the bed.”
“I still don’t know what I want to be in the future-”
“As long as I’m in it, it doesn’t matter.”
“My hair gets really puffy when it rains-” She began to cry and this made Drake smile.
“We’ll buy hats.” He leaned down and captured her lips in a kiss. “There’s nothing you can say that’ll change my mind about how I feel about you.”
“There’s a creepy guy staring at us.” She sobbed, Drake threw his head back in laughter.
“He’s an ordained minister. When I say I’m serious about this, I’m very serious. Just me and you, here. It’s up to you.” Nicki had run out of excuses and reasons she believed Drake couldn’t possibly want to be stuck with her the rest of his life.
“Let’s do this thing.”
